


My Life

by Wuthering_Shadows



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bi!Dean, Bisexual Dean, DeanCas - Freeform, Deancas angst, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Angst, Episode: s09e07 Bad Boys, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, LGBTQ fiction, M/M, Warning- homophobia-biphobia-implications of abuse, deancas fluff, supportive brother Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:16:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29632428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wuthering_Shadows/pseuds/Wuthering_Shadows
Summary: A list of dean's firsts relating to his sexuality and life.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 44





	My Life

**Author's Note:**

> A little late cause I had school but it's here!! I've been planning this since a long time. It's short, yes, but I believe I've conveyed everything I wanted. This is really close to my heart and I got a bit emotional writing this. Lots of reference to "Bad Boys" because I love that episode and I believe it had so many things which were left unsaid and had so so much potential. To all my LGBTQIA+ babies out here, you're so so valid and ily.

The first time Dean realised he was bisexual was when he’d just gotten back from Sonny’s. Living there for that short while had changed him in many ways. Well not change, per se, it had made him accept himself better. Sonny was different from John, making him learn, instead of punishing him, making him learn to see the good in him, instead of undermining him or never appreciating his efforts.

Though he hadn’t dared voice it out loud, he knew in the back of his mind that Sonny was a better father to him than John ever was.

When he had came back, or rather been forced to come back, leaving back his first prom, a girl he had come to care for, once again, his family’s place of stay changing, him transferring to a new school, he met someone. It was a boy, a little taller than him, his brown eyes like swirling pools of sunshine, his name was Noah. He was the first friend Dean made in that place and before he knew, the realisation that he had fallen for said friend hit him like a truck. It was weird, feeling that way. He kept denying it, making excuses for himself, he didn’t know who he was justifying himself to, himself, or the idea he had created in his head that feeling this way was bad. It was then he had decided to tell Sam too, and as expected his little brother had reacted with nothing more than a sarcastic remark of “You like both guys and girls and you’re still single? Maybe it’s time you realise your personality is the problem”, a teasing tone to his voice.

They had went out for a while too, Dean experiencing many things he hadn’t before, learning about himself in the process, sneaking around so his father wouldn’t see. He had an inkling that John suspected something, but if he knew, he didn’t mention it. It was perfect, for a time being, and then it was not.

The first time Dean raised his voice in front of John was when he was seventeen. John had walked in on him kissing a boy, he was drunk, Dean could tell, with the way he grabbed him by the collar and pulled him apart. His eyes held anger and disappointment, which were not uncommon as far as emotions Dean had seen in them go, but it still hurt. He had yelled at him, things he never thought he’d hear from his father,

“I GIVE YOU A BIT OF FREEDOM AND YOU GO OUT AND DO THIS?”, he spat, as if “this” was some disgusting thing.

“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST UNDERSTAND ME FOR ONCE. I’M STILL YOUR SON, WHAT DO YOU CARE IF I LIKE GUYS OR GIRLS”, Dean had screamed back, surprising both himself and John, the latter said nothing, just turning and walking out, slamming the door behind him, making Dean flinch.

They didn’t speak of it again, but John looked at Dean differently from that day. Even if he didn’t say it, the way he acted told him that he still hadn’t accepted it, That somewhere in that “protect Sammy” was an unsaid “ _Stay away from Sammy, I don’t want him turning out like you”_. It broke Dean, but he just knew his brother loved him and supported him, and that was enough.

The first time Dean came out to anyone else except his family was Cassie, he had fell hard for her, truly believing she would be his happily ever after. She hadn’t said much when he told her, just kissed his forehead, whispering that it was okay, that who he had been with did not change what they had between them. It was the first time Dean felt loved.

The first time Dean saw true acceptance of his sexuality he was dumbfounded. It was a normal day, normal hunt, just a salt n’ burn, but when the Impala drove by a pride parade, he was forced to do a double take. There were people here, just like him, expressing their acceptance of their own identities instead of hiding them, being proud of who they are instead of being frowned upon. It was the first time Dean Winchester parted from his beloved car willingly, tossing the keys to Sam as he made his way into the crowd, a big grin gracing his face as looked at the sight.

The first time Dean saw Cas, he knew he was a goner, he was supposed to be on guard, after all, Cas was an unknown identity capable of pulling him from hill, they didn’t know if he was a danger or not, but still, as soon as he saw that face, he couldn’t help be mesmerised. Those blue eyes, that seemed to stare at his very soul, those perfect, perfect features and, as he realised over time, that beautiful heart. It was love at first sight.

The first time Dean told Cas he was Bi was the day of their first date.

_Sitting across from the angel, he felt his mouth go dry, searching for words to tell him, not knowing how he would react, though he hoped for a positive reaction._

_“Cas, I- uh-”_

_Cas, who was watching Dean with a small smile on his face, snapped to attention at that, his eyebrows furrowing in concern,_

_“Are you okay?”_

_“Yes I’m fine, I just need to tell you I- I’m into both men and women”_

_Cas was silent for a while as Dean shut his eyes, waiting for the inevitable sound of disgust as he usually got from people when he told them that, but to his surprise it never came, what the answer was, instead, was a quiet,_

_“Aren’t, aren’t all humans like that?”_

_Dean snapped his head up, eyes widening comically as he registered the answer, before breaking out in a chuckle, whether that was of relief or of genuine laughter, he did not know,_

_“Gosh I love you, never change, please”, he had blurted out, his first I love you._

And it was perfect, it was just so so perfect as he looked back to his life and how far he had come, battling his own demons and emerging a brave man. For the first time in his life, Dean Winchester felt _happy_.


End file.
